"It is an honor for me, Rickey Henderson, to be here today with people that I consider to be just slightly less as great as me. Rickey is like the Muhammad Ali of Baseball, but with more fistfighting. I almost played the game the way it was meant to be played. I jumped around to many teams in my career, but only because they couldn't handle my awesomeness. The Athletics have a dumb name, the Yankees are lame, the Mets are worse, and the Blue Jays are Canadian. And so I have asked the Baseball Writers of America to enter me into the Hall on a team of Rickey's own creation: 'The Henderson Coolguys"Henderson punctuated this by revealing a crudely made jersey that he had obviously made in the car on the way to Cooperstown.
"I have been called: 'The Man of Steal', 'Slick Rick', and 'That Guy Who Steals Bases... You Know That Guy That Was On The A's And Then The Yankees... No I'm Not Talking About Jason Giambi... That Guy Was Slow As Hell... Yeah Rickey Something'. Rickey is pleased by these names. However, I like to sometimes believe that I am more than a baseball player. Yes, Rickey stole many bases in his career, and he also scored many runs. But I played the game with the enthusiasm of a child and the identity complex of an escaped mental patient. I only hit homeruns because I chose to, and Rickey only made outs when he didn't feel like getting a hit. Rickey is an accomplished poet, architect, historian, used-car-dealer, magician, and artist. To help illustrate how blessed and incredible I feel right now, I would like to share with you an artistic representation of my career that I scribbled on a napkin earlier, during Jim Rice's speech":
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