Burnett Enjoying Life On The Outside

The Yankees didn't exactly get a bargain when they signed free agent hurler A.J. Burnett this offseason. But the $82.5 million-dollar-man has done an exemplary job as arguably the Yankees most consistent starter this season. It was not always this way however. Luckily, Burnett's checkered past has yet to catch up to his tenure with the Yankees, but how long until the demons he has hidden away with tattoos and liquor emerge?

Burnett signed with the Mets at age 18, bringing with him a blistering triple-digit fastball and a penchant for fast cars and faster women. While toiling in the minors, an aging Dwight Gooden introduced him to the positive effects of experimental drugs. He began to pitch moderately well, far beyond the constraints of a natural human being. It would typically take him 200 or so pitches for an average outing of 2 2/3's of an inning.

On a road trip with the Binghampton Mets in 1996, the team bus broke down on the way to face the South Central LA Grillz, AJ got seperated from the team, and was later found drinking heavily and recording with Tupac Shakur.

In addition to going triple platinum with "AJ on the AK", his playing career began to blosssom, and he soon found himself with a big league club, pitching for the Marlins in Miami. The temptations of the Sunshine state began to affect his performance however, and after multiple arrests for various charges, he faked elbow surgery to begin serving time in the Miami-Dade County correctional facility. It was here that he became one of the most reliable shank-makers on the Eastern seaboard. He eventually converted to Islam, which created a brief period of peace in his life... which was immediately shattered when Burnett allegedly strangled his cellmate for allegedly: "Hatin' ".

Facing deathrow and an angry hispanic prison population, AJ escaped under the cover of night, using only a baseball cleat, and the will to live. He began a hurried journey to cross America's northern border to sign with the Blue Jays. It was here that Burnett began the normal life that, surprisingly, has been maintained thanks in part to his relationship with Toronto ace Roy Halladay. Under his tutelage, AJ expanded his baseball and shank-making skills.

His time in New York has just begun, and his legacy with the Yankees has yet to be established. His volatile nature however, is already firmly intact. He has also brought along an inflammatory tradition that gained infamy during his time in a Jays uniform. Every walkoff win has been punctuated with a shaving cream pie to the face, resulting in numerous broken noses and hurt feelings.